Olenka, My longing is One Century for You

Olenka, My longing is One Century for You

Olenka, My longing is One Century for You

Olenka, Olenka, Olenka. I say to myself again, because you and she have been met in that name.

My Dear, I am missing you full these days, more and more exceed longing that has been already. When the night comes, I could not restrain my feelings. I have let go all of the burden from my chest on the paper and my book. You flow there in each of the sheet. It is not decrease the swift from day to day. I want to strike myself, I want to hurt myself or I want to knock down the cold sturdy stone walls challenge me, but there is your tender shadow resist the urge to better say nothing rather than dark acting. But where else should I complain? Second by second running too weak, my steps felt so short to pass along a narrow path the days at century page that never end.

Just now, when the extreme sun sting, I try many absurd joke, childish, haphazard. I laugh, all laugh but it is clear felt wounds quietly unfolding at my corner of my heart. I know you will not like that, but it would be painful that I could not brushed it off at all. My hand are rigid in subtle shaking, my chest tightness in hope nothing, my prayers those choked in my speechless throat, I seemed to drift into unconsciousness and I lost my voice does not mean. I want to lay in your side, waiting for your whisper sing about patience. Once more, I can not save my longing for you. It is not drawn my silence feeling, it stab me many times unforgivable. I did not try. You know I am a Man with a mountain of hope, as strong as coral and as hard as steal, It is always that way about me for anything, but no in facing of loosing you. I have tried repeatedly, but I always fall head first in my crying who I kept in the depths of my heart. Like I have guessed in the corner of eyes and your lips and your letter. This can be long time or protracted. So please forgive me because I am fail and I have not mature hang down step to my future. Never mind, Let all flow like river flows to the sea, to the distance of horizon there, a place of all meet together, waiting for the sun shines and sets’

I breath our memories, 10 years spread in the wall and this ceiling of the house, here, in these simple rooms, make my steps so heavy and freeze. Sometimes the strange strength comes, like a storm move itself all memories including shelfs, cupboards, big pots, carboards full of books to the new place. I know it will be discompose, those all arranged outside of my awareness. I slept in a round of nervous, try to worked relentlessly, but my heart fly on the sky there, I know, I miss you more than I realize during this time. So, let it go and do not regret I become a Man with the necessity crying myself and my lonely itself.

In Indonesian : Olenka Rinduku Seabad Padamu

PiS 2011

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