I feel you are still beside me, dear. So I go to the kitchen, maybe you are being busy cutting unions, making carrot juice or cooking. But I just meet glasses there, spoons, forks, knives and dishes. I don’t know, maybe there is still hope, so I try to open rooms behind, I hope you are busy there cleaning rooms and need me help. Again, there are only a groups of books, worn out papers, used newspapers spread and a wind’s blow.
This morning, there is no clang of glass, there is no water tap voice, or a little hum, there is only whispered the silent squeeze chest and inexpressible feeling of emptiness. I think you go shopping, so I go to Veranda, I try sitting for a while waiting for you. How long is your coming.
In website room is empty, the children have not come. There is a picture of you with Miss. Umi also Mr. Adnan Buyung and many friends on the wall. When I look into that picture It’s like you say that you are busy join the activities and will be go home for a while. Tables in that room are so cold, ticking clock felt sad. There is your name card and my heart beating to read it.
In the garden behind is silence, flowers have not uncared for, you are not there. The time before, early in the morning, Often I found you there, if not watering the flowers, you are taking the grass or planting Anthurium seeds. You always say, “Let’s help me brother, I wish I could sell it in the future”. Where is your voice dear……..
Sometimes I hope this is only dream, dear. Maryati, are you there in the wind around me? Are you in the sky? Are you only there in the eternal resting place? Are you in heaven? Do you still listening when I sing in the morning? I often sing Ebiet G ade’s song in the morning now, in the night, even in the middle of the night while I hope anxiously you may listen and smile. Do you listen to those songs, dear? Don’t you listen strings of my guitar moans?
Mar, are you around me? Can you or even you are reading these writings?
There are thousands questions Mar,
I keep waiting for you.
PiS 24 Feb 2011
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- Fingers of God and the Time
- This Morning
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- This Is Life..! Without A Piece Of The Word
- Sorry If There Is Possible